


Why One Should Utilize The Utmost Caution When Dabbling In Magic or Billy and Dom Find a Hat

by Scribe



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-30
Updated: 2009-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:46:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribe/pseuds/Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An extremely silly birthday present for Vensre</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why One Should Utilize The Utmost Caution When Dabbling In Magic or Billy and Dom Find a Hat

It all began with a hat. They were meandering happily down the street on their day off, early enough that they still did things like meandering on their days off instead of just falling into bed and sleeping, which is what they did later. In any event, on that particular day they were meandering, and they came upon a hat. It was sat in the display window of something that was either a very serious New Age shop or a very silly costume shop, it was a little hard to tell. Billy walked past it and then had to turn around and walk back because Dom was pressed up against the window, nose and hands and breath making little smears on the glass.

"Look, a hat!" he exclaimed when Billy had finished walking back. Billy looked. It was indeed a hat. A very tall, very conical wizard's hat, navy-purple and silk, with sparkling golden stars and little silver sliver moons scattered all over.

"It's pointier than Ian's hat, I think," Billy said, and they smiled at each other in dawning realization.

"It is a magnificent hat," Dom pronounced, very loudly. Several people turned to look. "I must have it!"

***

"Shazam, shazam!" cried Dom, making big swoopy gestures with his hands. Billy didn't think shazam, was a particularly good magic sound- he much preferred traditional things like zap and abracadabra- but Dom looked so good in his magnificent hat that he decided not to complain.

"Shazam!" He said again, waggling his fingers at Billy. Billy turned into a statue.

"Oh no," said Dom, "I have turned you into a statue!" Billy appreciated that Dom understood him so well, but he did not smile because he was a statue. He had to stay not smiling as long as he remained a statue, so he was very glad when Dom figured out that in order to un-turn Billy into a statue he had to say mazahs, which was shazam backwards, because Billy very much felt like smiling.

"Thank goodness that worked," said Dom. "I need your help with something."

"With what?"

"I need a beard."

"A beard? Why do you need a beard?"

"To be Merlin! Merlin always has a beard."

"Oh. I didn't realize you were Merlin. I thought you were just Dom-the-magician."

"No, I'm Merlin. Can't you see? Shazam!" And then he had to un-turn Billy into a statue again before they could look for a beard, which just goes to show that you should be careful with your magic powers.

***

"If I'm Merlin, you should be King Arthur," said Dom, carefully gluing another row of cotton balls onto the paper plate they'd cut in half. Someone was probably going to be angry about them stealing from the makeup trailer, but Dom had promised to shazam! them into submission, so Billy wasn't worried.

"I can't be King Arthur. I don't think Scottish blokes get to be King Arthur."

"Well, why not? I think you should be King Arthur. Shazam!" There was a pause. "Did it work?"

"I don't know," said Billy. "I guess I feel a little more Arthur-y than I did before." Dom looked sort of sad, so he added quickly, "at least I'm not a statue this time! You're doing much better."

"Thank you," said Dom, much cheered. "What if you got a sword? I bet a sword would help you be Arthur-y."

"Yes, probably."

"We could steal Viggo's."

"I don't know, I hear he sleeps with it."

"Well, he's surely no match for a magnificent magician such as myself, right?"

"Of course not," said Billy loyally, although he had his doubts. Viggo could be sort of scary sometimes, and Dom was only just learning how to use his magic, after all.

"Let's go, then!" said Dom, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Billy hesitated a little.

"Will you call me Arthur, King of the Britons?" he asked.

"Of course."

"And will you do the coconuts for me?"

"I can't. I'm much too powerful a magician for coconuts. We'll find someone else, though. How about Elijah?"

"Too American."

"That's okay. I'll teach him the ancient art of the coconut. He'll be the best coconutter ever, you'll see."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"...All right, then," Billy said, and they were off.

 

***

It turned out that getting Viggo's sword was much harder than they'd anticipated.

"He's taken it off," Dom reported in a whisper, peering over the windowsill. Billy wanted very much to tickle Dom's foot where he was bracing it on his knee, like helping him get on a horse, but he restrained himself because they were on Very Important Business. "And now he's leaving! Quick, put me down!"

Once stably on the ground again, Dom pulled his magic hat over his ears and looked very solemnly at Billy.

"This will be very difficult," he said. "The sword is right in front of the mirror, and if I miss at all the spell will bounce off the mirror and hit me instead."

"That sounds very dangerous," said Billy. "Are you sure it's worth it?"

"It's worth it for you, King Billy-Arthur," said Dom. He stretched his arm out, ready to magic, and then stopped at the very last minute. "Promise me one thing," he said.

"Anything."

"If something goes wrong, wear my handkerchief next to your heart forever."

Billy nodded very seriously, and then remembered that Dom didn't actually have a handkerchief. Or maybe he had a secret handkerchief? In that case, how was he supposed to find it so he could wear it forever? Was there a common place where everyone kept their handkerchiefs and Billy had just never been told about it? He opened his mouth to ask, but Dom was already gesturing.

"SHAZAM!" he yelled, and-

-stopped.

"Dom?" said Billy cautiously. He walked around Dom in a circle and waved a hand up and down in front of his face, but Dom didn't move at all. He was getting very worried when, all of a sudden, he realized what must have happened.

Dom, who was only just starting to be a magician, after all, must have messed up and done the statue spell again by accident, only the mirror bounced it back to him and now Dom was stuck as a statue forever! And Billy didn't have any magic at all, so even if he said mazahs a hundred times it wouldn't turn Dom back.

Luckily, Billy was very smart and had paid attention to all the fairy tales people had told him when he was small, so he knew another way to turn statues back into people, and this way didn't require any magic at all.

He was very glad that they'd left Dom's beard behind to dry.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> (extra points if you get the Tamora Pierce reference)


End file.
